Thursday, May 8, 2014

Nerd Rant #4 - Forget Amazing, we need a Spectacular Spider-Man

Hang on Electro, my nerd rant, first!

Have you guys rushed out to see the new Amazing Spider-Man sequel?  If not, no big.  I didn’t even see the Amazing Spider-Man reboot in the first place and I still consider myself a fan of the Spider-Man franchise.

Spider-Man 2 is second only to The Dark Knight in my book. Currently the Avengers and first Iron Man movie are tied, followed by X-Men 2, Blade 2, and the first Hellboy.

I’m not really rushing out to see Amazing Spider-Man 2, after reading these headlines;
Amazing Spider-Man 2 Is A Decent Movie Smothered by Layers of Crap – by Charlie Jane Anders of and Tangled Web – by Daniel Krupa of

I admit that I don’t read the Spiderman comics and never have, but even I have a passing familiarity with the Spider-man supporting cast and the wide gallery of animal themed rogues that rival DC’s Batman or the Flash.

With the opening of the current sequel in theatres, Target had the remaining DVD volumes available of the best adaptation of Spider-Man in my, albeit, limited in scope, opinion, The Spectacular Spider-Man animated series that premiered from 2008-2009.  In 2008, I was 26 years old and had moved back in with parents.  I fucking recorded each episode of this amazingly well-written cartoon and enjoyed the hell out of it.  FINALLY someone who could balance multiple villains, multiple love interests, AND still focus on drama of the high school experience that Peter went through every day as a teenager.  Baby, this was master class in classic heroic story arcs and no did better.  Not even Batman, the Animated Series. (Because the BTAS had an episodic story structure rather than a serial, sustained season-long story arc like Spectacular).

Visually, the series animation took some getting used to...that chin GG!

So yeah, on that point, I loves me some Spider-Man. 

I didn’t initially want to see the rebooted Spider-Man because I actually did not fall in love with 500 Days of Summer.  I fell in love with JGL, because I mean, who wouldn’t?  But I thought that movie was a lil’ too twee for my liking and I did not approve of the same director helming the Spider-Man reboot.  I still don’t.

He's basically the male version of the "Manic Pixie Girl" stereotype, so slight and vulnerable.

He's the male Natalie Portman is what I'm saying.

I loved the first two Spider-Man movies.  I liked the portrayal of teenage Peter Parker and though Kristen Dunst made the best possible Mary Jane ever.
Now we have Emma Stone’s Gwen Stacy which I wasn’t super-excited about but I get it.  She’s Spider-Man’s first love and is featured prominently in the animated series I’m so dorky about.

But now I’m done with the teenage years.  I want Spidey to move on, specifically past college and onto a young adult in his 20’s.  I know Spider-Man is best known as a teenage character but that’s been done and done well.  Now I want an adult Spider-Man.  One that goes toe to toe with J Jonah Jameson at the newspaper, or………….at least has a full time job.  A Spider-Man that can hook up with Black Cat and not be having the teenage girlfriend drama ALL THE TIME.  He doesn’t have to be Bruce Wayne, he doesn’t have to be super wealthy or a playboy, I’m just ready to see him reach adulthood.  You know?  Something different, something fresh.

Something “Spectacular” maybe?

This is Black Cat.  I was too afraid to do a Google Image Search at work...that's how seksi her costume is

PS – Yes Sony Studios, I would be happy to write or direct the next Spidey movie for you.  You know how to find me. 

This...this is how you find me...with that know the Spider-man light.?


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