Thursday, February 20, 2014

Romantic Fantasies (SFW)

So, coming off from the Valentine's Day last Friday, I wanted to discuss "Romantic Fantasies", and specifically why sometimes they are totally bogus or laughable even.

See, ALL women have romantic fantasies.  I mean almost all women have romantic fantasies. (I'm not every woman so I cannot definitely say)  We know this.  It's the reason romantic comedies and romantic novels are so popular.  Women dream of a day when a handsome guy shows romantic interest in them.  No matter what shape, size, or personality they have.  To be special.  To be wanted.  And we ALL want to be wanted, both men and women.

Romantic comedies are easy like McDonald's.  Not especially good for your health or mind but a guilty pleasure.  No one should base their romantic expectations on a romantic comedy, they're just fairy tales.  Nothing like real life.  I mean do we ever remember what happened to Cinderella's stepmother in the end?  Does she get prosecuted?  Does she get punished? In some versions, I'm sure she does.  See, because sometimes the old, traditional fairy tales are just as crazy and mean-spirited as real life.  I mean the protagonist is usually an orphan.  There are child-brides, kidnapping, cannibalism, crazy stuff.

Guys do not have romantic fantasies.  They have fantasies, all right, but not usually romantic ones.  I don't doubt that there are some men that truly do prefer to just hang out and not necessarily immediately jump into bed.  I know there are some women that hate the dating process and prefer to just getting horizontal.  However, on average, men are to sex what women are to romance.  Again, this we know.  Romance to guys is just extra work.  And what, exactly is a romantic gesture for a woman to perform?  Pretty much only two things, and they both end in "job".  Flowers and candy still seem awkward and anything requiring money is sugar-mama territory.

I have some romantic fantasies of my own and they almost always include a man with a deep voice, like Benedict Cumberbatch deep.  If you don't know who he is, look him up.  At first you'll be like, "what an oddly shaped face he has", but find a video of him speaking and you'll be like, "oh yeah girl, I get what you like."  I'm a woman, I like romance but I don't like romantic comedies.  I mean Bridget Jones' Diary was good and 27 Dresses was passable, mainly because James Marsden was killing it.  He had to.  He lost Cyclops, in order to play "the other man" in Superman Returns.

"Okay so stop playing this guy....

....and start making this awkward triangle happen.  No this role does not have superpowers.  Sorry."
It's one of the universe's cruelest jokes ( because Joss Whedon made me a secret Cyclops fan) but, whatever.  I'm getting therapy now, so I'm cool about it.  Bridget Jones' Diary is still uniquely special because it allowed a women with some weight to be a romantic heroine.  I mean "some" weight because she looks to be a size 10, tops, in that movie and the day I reach that size I will be hugging and high-fiving everyone on my block.  Everyone knows the fat one is the friend in romantic comedies.  I love Bridesmaids and Pitch Perfect but Melissa McCarthy and Rebel Wilson were comic relief all the way.

Both are beautiful, by the way!

I would watch her star in pretty much anything, anyone watch Super Fun Night?

Romantic comedies are two soft, too girly, too unbelievable.  I'm sorry your beautiful apartment, tasteful wardrobe, high paying job and quirky friends leave you feeling unfulfilled.  Gorgeous, thin, busty lady with amazing hair.  Your parents, grandparents, siblings, all in perfect health and only worried about your lack of a romantic partner.  Mental illness rarely appears in a romantic comedy and when it does, its awesome because its called Punch-Drunk Love and you don't feel emasculated at all when you watch it.

So Punch-Drunk Love is technically not a romantic comedy but a romantic drama.

RIP Philip Seymour Hoffman
Lazily culled from the Wikipedia entry for "Romantic Comedies", here are some of my faves.  They are in no particular order but by release year.

1. Roman Holiday (1953)
2. The Princess Bride (1987)
3. The Wedding Singer (1998)
4. You've Got Mail (1998) Quick! In what other movie are Tom Hanks & Dave Chappelle friends?  None.  Because it will never happen again.
7. 50 First Dates (2004)
8. 40 Year Old Virgin (2005)
9. Wedding Crashers (2005)

For #10, I'm going to nominate some films that are better recognized as action films or straight comedies or even dramas, because that's how I like my romantic comedies.  Dashed in the middle of a more superior genre film.  Here are my picks.

10. Red (2010), Knight and Day (2010), Bridesmaids (2011), Punch -Drunk Love (2002), and Iron Man (2008)

How about you guys?  Do you agree? What romantic comedies are you partial too? 

Let me know,


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