I feel the need to show my nerd side today. I am a closeted Batman nerd and have been
since 1992, when Batman Returns showed in theaters. Batman is my Star Wars,
Danny Elfman is my John Williams, Tim Burton my George Lucas.
I was too young to watch any of the original trilogy of Star
Wars in the theaters. I came of age when
the second Batman film was showing and later when Batman: The Animated Series
became my Bible, my jam, my life as a 12 year old.
So I have a near-all-encompassing lexicon of the Batman
movies which has bleed into the comics, and cartoons. I have yet to tackle all the video games but
own and have played Arkham Asylum, Arkham City and Arkham Origins.
I pick apart any comic book movie like a Southern Belle mama
does her beauty pageant offspring. I get
a nerd boner that lasts long and stays hard.
BUT I usually hide it.
I don’t wear Batman t-shirts but I have pretty sweet Batman
watch that my 10 year old twin sisters gave me for Christmas this year. I don’t have Batman plastered all over my
walls but I have almost every DVD box set made.
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| My sweet effin' watch. |
So now I want to bring up the latest Batman movie, 2012’s “The
Dark Knight Rises”. Don’t tell me you
haven’t watched it, ‘cause you probably did, with your boyfriend, because it’s
actually cool and hip and all to openly love Batman, now.
Ok…ahem…HERE BE SPOILERS………………...............................................................................
The beautiful and talented Anne Hathaway plays Catwoman. Looking at these pictures you can
see why everyone got so excited about news of her casting.
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| All right we get it! She's hottt...with a triple "t". |
She looks sexy AND dangerous. HELLS YES! A playful adversary to Christian
Bale’s uptight and super-serious Batman.
I was ready to see Selina Kyle strut around in a biker jacket, her neckline
tastefully low, her long dark hair teased out like a lion’s mane. Curls framing her face and brushing lightly
against Batman. A sassy attitude and a
way with a whip.
BUT that’s not the CATWOMAN we got.
Instead, Nolan trots her out like some cold, pristine social
climber. She wears pearls and tailored
dresses. Her hair is stick straight like
a soccer mom’s, or a teenage equestrian. The costume looks like Lee Merriweather’s
suit from the 60’s Batman TV show, which is not bad, just a little
underwhelming. Her heels are ridiculous
and her mask doesn't hide a thing.
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| A HAT and GLOVES?!? Is she the Queen of England? |
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| Classy molassy...just not sassy molassy. |
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| Since when is long hair good for fighting? |
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| Meow! She be pimpin' wit' dat medallion. |
She doesn't serve as a true foil to Batman. True she’s got some good one liners but she
just comes off as a Batman clone. I can
understand why they wanted to class up her image a bit, to make her worthy of
Bruce Wayne’s long term mate. I assume they get married or whatever. Raise 2.5 children in the Swiss Alps or Italy. But in doing so, Nolan and Co have delivered
a lifeless, underwhelming version of Catwoman.
They've stripped her of her verve, her spark, her
uniqueness. I wanted a crazy, sexy cool
Catwoman. The wild card to play off Batman’s straight man routine. Blazes of chemistry that nearly set fire to
the screen. Like Michelle Pfeiffer and Michael
Keaton, or hell even the charming, cerebral flirtations between Gwyneth Paltrow
and Robert Downey Jr.
Alas, that not what we got.
I guess after the electrifying and ultimately heart breaking Heath
Ledger performance we got too greedy and wound up with a Catwoman we derserved. Not the one we wanted.
Thoughts?
Comments? Questions? Let me know!
Peace out, my nerdy ninjas,
Marg
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